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I hereby announce the Gilhoolie Awards. These awards, of which I hope there will be many, will be bestowed at will, and at times without the recipient's knowledge, on people or things that, usually in a random act of senseless efficiency or kindness, Make My Life Easier.
The Gilhoolie, also known as "the gizmo," is an ancient family heirloom, a metal gripper that helps twist off recalcitrant caps. It seems to no longer be produced by any company, although there are many comparable cap-twisters on the market. No longer being produced by any company is not a criterion for consideration for a Gilhoolie Award. Judging for the Gilhoolie Award is at my sole discretion and, moreover, at whim.
The recipient of the first Gilhoolie Award, in fact the motivation for the very founding of the award, goes to an unnamed checkout clerk at Waldbaum's. She guided customers through her line with preternatural speed and the authority of a security officer at an airport. "Have your club card out," she exhorted each customer who joined the line, addressing everyone as "mama" or "papi" with a delightful ethnic egalitarianism. "Have your credit card out, or your check card if you're paying by check." The woman ahead of me was paying by check, and received special instructions as the clerk was scanning her order through. When I got there, she scanned and bagged, I bagged and carted; it was an efficient, graceful, coordinated dance. I have never gotten through a checkout line faster. It was a thing of beauty.
There was a runner-up, an object that has slipped my mind. I'll update when I remember.
Honorable mention goes to another unnamed grocery clerk (I must learn to read nametags) who told me where I could buy Brita filters for a lot less than I was paying there. Making my life less expensive doesn't strictly meet the criteria, but is close enough for acknowledgment.
The first Gilhoolie Grand Master Award goes, on general principles, to Tom Powers, who just makes everyone's life easier when he can and is a way-cool guy.
The Gilhoolie, also known as "the gizmo," is an ancient family heirloom, a metal gripper that helps twist off recalcitrant caps. It seems to no longer be produced by any company, although there are many comparable cap-twisters on the market. No longer being produced by any company is not a criterion for consideration for a Gilhoolie Award. Judging for the Gilhoolie Award is at my sole discretion and, moreover, at whim.
The recipient of the first Gilhoolie Award, in fact the motivation for the very founding of the award, goes to an unnamed checkout clerk at Waldbaum's. She guided customers through her line with preternatural speed and the authority of a security officer at an airport. "Have your club card out," she exhorted each customer who joined the line, addressing everyone as "mama" or "papi" with a delightful ethnic egalitarianism. "Have your credit card out, or your check card if you're paying by check." The woman ahead of me was paying by check, and received special instructions as the clerk was scanning her order through. When I got there, she scanned and bagged, I bagged and carted; it was an efficient, graceful, coordinated dance. I have never gotten through a checkout line faster. It was a thing of beauty.
There was a runner-up, an object that has slipped my mind. I'll update when I remember.
Honorable mention goes to another unnamed grocery clerk (I must learn to read nametags) who told me where I could buy Brita filters for a lot less than I was paying there. Making my life less expensive doesn't strictly meet the criteria, but is close enough for acknowledgment.
The first Gilhoolie Grand Master Award goes, on general principles, to Tom Powers, who just makes everyone's life easier when he can and is a way-cool guy.
