Trails: Fear and Sighing
Sep. 26th, 2002 09:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tmcgAll the things I would get done if I didn't have to go to this convention! Grumble grumble raggit fraggit bitch moan.
This is the thought that dominates the week preceding a business trip for me. I would get stuff done, some it fairly important. But it will get done anyway. And by going to a convention I am getting stuff done: cons aren't just social events, they're work, and they're important, too. Plus, I always have a great time at conventions. So why do I always approach them with this stubborn resistance? Not to mention going into denial about preparing for them (which includes procrastinating by writing LJ entries like this one) so that everything becomes a mad last-minute rush. My friends seem to think about nothing but the con for weeks beforehand. I seem to do everything I can to pretend I'm not going to the con until there's just no getting around it.
Sigh.
How am I going to get everything done before I have to leave??
This is the thought that dominates the two days before I go. Everything always gets done somehow. But I get inordinately cranky about it.
Sigh.
The plane's going to crash and I'm going to die with my series of books uncompleted!
This is the thought that dominates the night before I leave for the airport. I've heard other writers mention something similar--the fear that Something Will Happen to Them before they finish their current work-in-progress. Only natural, I suppose. At least I've shaken the conviction that the fear is a premonition. Empirical data (I go to a lot of cons; I'm still alive) tends to have that effect. And I'm not afraid of flying; I love flying--once I'm on the plane. But the fear of not finishing persists. Sometimes I think that it will subside once I've got more books in print and feel more strongly that I've proven what I can do. But from what those other writers have said...nope, it won't. That fear is always there.
Sigh.
On the bright side: At least for the time being I'm more worried about this stuff than about the yellow-belt test tonight!
This is the thought that dominates the week preceding a business trip for me. I would get stuff done, some it fairly important. But it will get done anyway. And by going to a convention I am getting stuff done: cons aren't just social events, they're work, and they're important, too. Plus, I always have a great time at conventions. So why do I always approach them with this stubborn resistance? Not to mention going into denial about preparing for them (which includes procrastinating by writing LJ entries like this one) so that everything becomes a mad last-minute rush. My friends seem to think about nothing but the con for weeks beforehand. I seem to do everything I can to pretend I'm not going to the con until there's just no getting around it.
Sigh.
How am I going to get everything done before I have to leave??
This is the thought that dominates the two days before I go. Everything always gets done somehow. But I get inordinately cranky about it.
Sigh.
The plane's going to crash and I'm going to die with my series of books uncompleted!
This is the thought that dominates the night before I leave for the airport. I've heard other writers mention something similar--the fear that Something Will Happen to Them before they finish their current work-in-progress. Only natural, I suppose. At least I've shaken the conviction that the fear is a premonition. Empirical data (I go to a lot of cons; I'm still alive) tends to have that effect. And I'm not afraid of flying; I love flying--once I'm on the plane. But the fear of not finishing persists. Sometimes I think that it will subside once I've got more books in print and feel more strongly that I've proven what I can do. But from what those other writers have said...nope, it won't. That fear is always there.
Sigh.
On the bright side: At least for the time being I'm more worried about this stuff than about the yellow-belt test tonight!
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no subject
Date: 2002-09-26 08:35 am (UTC)Now I'll be thinking of you.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-26 09:44 am (UTC)